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Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Rant of the Week: Jo-Ann Fabrics

I've debated on whether to strictly limit my focus on one thing: childbirth and other related topics. Then I decided that, like my attention span at the moment, it should be about anything that's on my mind - after all, that's what a blog is for. 
Lately I've had it in my head that I'm going to sew a dress. Yes, I know how to sew. No, I cannot find anything appropriate that doesn't look like a large animal gave birth or threw up on it. All the dress fabrics I see are covered in some kind of random, awful ethnic/animal/weird patterns. Not that there's anything wrong with ethnic patterns, they just aren't for me. Why can't I find something conservative, like a timid polka dot, a subtle stripe (ok, maybe not stripes, since I don't necessarily need to accentuate the growing thing that is my stomach and butt, and I'm not even pregnant anymore). See ... I knew this would somehow get back to pregnancy and childbirth. LOL
I'm going to lodge a formal complaint to Jo-Ann Fabrics, not that they'd listen. Complaining is something I do very well. I bet that since they have a ton of this ugly fabric left for currently 60 percent off right now, no one else is buying it, either. I must not be the only one who doesn't want to walk around looking like a paintball target. I want something classic, maybe a bit retro - not Copa-Cabana-Mexican-spring-break-drunken-party/Carmen Miranda's fruit basket. 
On the flip side, I've been sewing a lot of Barbie clothes lately. My daughter is just getting to the point of being interested, and surprisingly I've become obsessed with it. It's fun, especially because Barbie has a killer (if not totally unrealistic) figure. One thing about that - Barbie is much easier to fit clothing for, because she has no lumps and bumps, no bulges, and her figure is always a constant - she doesn't mind scratchy fabrics and Velcro closures rubbing up against her skin. And one thing I can control - she doesn't wear slutty outfits like her Mattel-manufactured counterparts do: somehow the prostitute Barbie look just doesn't sit well with me. She's much easier to fit than I am, for instance - someone who is rather short, a bit fat and slightly dumpy compared to the conventional pattern makers and their outrageous ideas of womanly dimensions. Some day they will get it together, too, and design patterns that actually fit people. Novel idea. But since I haven't even reached that point, I guess it doesn't matter. In the meantime, Barbie has a nicer wardrobe than I do!