Breastfeeding and jury duty

Only twelve states exempt breastfeeding women from jury
duty. 

I live in New York State and have been summoned for the dreaded jury duty twice. Both times, I panicked - not because I wanted to shirk my public duty, but because I was the sole care provider for a breastfed infant. I lived hours away from family, had some neighbors - but they either worked or had their own kids to care for. What was I going to do?

Thankfully I was exempted. Maybe they think I'm still breeding, because they haven't called me back (perhaps I'll jinx myself by saying this).

Unfortunately this Missouri mom wasn't so lucky - her state does not have a breastfeeding exemption, and the judge gave her two options when she showed up in court holding her seven-month-old son: put him in childcare or bring someone with you to watch him while you sit in court.

The judge apparently said she could take breaks to pump (and someone else said 'to feed' the baby but these are two entirely different things), but I don't see how this would help her if her child refuses to take a bottle. I'm also curious where she would be allowed to pump: a judge's posh quarters, or the nasty public bathroom down the hall? Hmm... sounds like a tempting offer.

Only twelve states exempt breastfeeding mothers from jury duty. This is pathetic. And while Trickle's state recognizes 'undue physical or extreme financial hardship' as a reason to excuse someone, I'm almost sensing here that the court thinks that because she's a stay at home mom with presumably no income to lose, that there's therefore nothing lost because she's not earning a paycheck from a "real job."

Judge Marco Roldan, who is presiding over the case, said in the past he's exempted potential jurors because of a death in the family (did they provide a death certificate? *eyeroll*) or teachers who were scheduled to give mid-term exams. Seriously? You're joking, right? 

Of course, like any other mothering/childbirth/pregnancy/breastfeeding topic, it comes with no shortage of public outcry, usually from people who understand little about the mechanics of the subject. So as a former breastfeeding mother who has spent ... let's see.... roughly 6 1/2 years of her life nursing a child of varying ages, I can say that it's definitely not easy, especially when there are ridiculous limitations like this creating even more roadblocks to a successful breastfeeding relationship.

When you realize how engrained infant formula has become for decades - since probably the 1940s and 50s - it's not a wonder that many people just don't get it or even understand what the norm is for a breastfed baby. And this being Breast Cancer Awareness Month and all, let's not forget that recent studies have shown that breastfeeding can reduce cancer rates - yet we put up more hurdles that discourage or inhibit a mother's ability to nurse her child.

Many moms, myself included, cannot pump. It's not a sign that something is wrong with you; it's totally normal to be able to successfully breastfeed a baby but be able to pump next to nothing, even with a good pump. It doesn't matter anyway if the child refuses the bottle; some mothers try countless nipples (and they do come in a myriad of shapes and sizes) with no luck.

As far as childcare, when you're a full-time stay at home mom, you probably feel there are few reasons to really need it. I still don't have a regular babysitter whom I trust not to text the entire time she's watching my kids, and mine are 9, 7 and 4. I live hours away from family members, and many of the moms I know are either working by now or have kids of their own to watch; I cannot imagine handing off my baby to them for several hours a day for the duration of a trial (which can either be short and sweet or drag on for weeks, if not months). If you're paying for childcare, usually you have to agree to it long-term, and it can be hard to find one that will agree to short-term care. And of course, daycare is extremely expensive to boot.

The judge's other option was to bring someone with her to court so she could nurse the baby on breaks.  I hope she has really, reeeally good friends, because I personally know no one who would've been willing or even able to do this for me. Again, I'm sure many, if not most, of Trickle's friends either have infants of their own to care for or, if they don't, are working. Even if she could find someone, are they going to hang out all day wandering the courthouse, waiting for the next feeding? Perhaps set up a Pack-n-Play on the front lawn? Would she have to endure more financial hardship by providing additional monies for gas and activities if the babysitter decides to drive all over town day after day keeping baby occupied?

It all seems ridiculous and overly complicated when it doesn't really need to be: just exempt the breastfeeding mother.

More reading:
Jury duty is sometimes a trial for nursing moms - Best for Babes 

Mom nurses triplets!

I love this picture: a Florida mom (who birthed them naturally!) is nursing two of her three babies, while the third one presumably sits patiently in line, waiting his turn... LOL

Photo: *The Milk* Sunshine Coast Lactation Consultant
FaceBook fan page

I want to post this here to make a mental note of it, because I just like this picture so much. Breastfeeding is hard enough with just one sometimes, between pressures with work and family, well-meaning but crappy advice, and just everything else. To nurse multiples?? I can't imagine, but if I had them I know I would do it, come sleep or no sleep (but that's just me). So it's great to see a positive image of someone managing to do it.

Of course, somewhere along the way FaceBook had a hissy fit and reprimanded some fan page admins at Peaceful Parenting for sharing it. Even though they supposedly support breastfeeding mothers, "as long as the baby is actively nursing." A screenshot of FaceBook's TOS on breastfeeding is as follows:

Those babies sure look like they're actively nursing to me. So before it gets yanked by the powers-that-be, I'm sharing it here.

Of course, when there is no baby in the picture, those fully exposed breasts are just fine.

Tongue tie and the breastfed baby

Breastfeeding can be a wonderful thing. It can also be difficult, especially if things aren't going especially well. There can often be bumps in the road that make you want to totally give up and call it quits forever.

When it comes to those difficulties and feeding issues, perhaps one of the most under-explored problems is tongue tie. The difficulties a tongue-tied baby often has at the breast can be quite profound, and yet if you - or your doctor - don't fully understand what they are, it can either make or break the breastfeeding experience.

The tongue obviously has a major role to play in breastfeeding. Tongue tie, or anklyoglossia, is when the frenulum - the tissue that connects the tongue to the floor of the mouth - is tight, making it hard for the baby to feed properly. Some can be mild, some quite pronounced, and can affect different babies in different ways, or not at all. While some tongue-tied babies have no problems, for others it can be extremely difficult.

An example of tongue tie in an infant.
Photo: http://newborns.stanford.edu/PhotoGallery/Ankyloglossia1.html,
Janelle Aby, MD

Sometimes it can be difficult to tell if your baby has tongue-tie; sometimes it's quite obvious. There are signs to look for, according to the La Leche League, that might be important identifiers in determining whether or not this is really the problem:

The tongue tip should be able to extend to lick the lips, lift the front half of the tongue to the roof of the mouth, and sweep along the gums. If a tongue-tied baby tries to extend the tongue, it may not be able to extend past the lower lip, or the tongue tip might be forced downward over the lower lip. If the tongue is particularly tight, the back of the tongue will lift while the front remains tied down to the floor of the mouth, which is sometimes called “tongue humping.” If the baby attempts to lift a tied tongue, it often leaves a dent in the tip of the tongue, reminiscent of the top of a heart. The sides of the tongue will lift more than the center if the baby is tongue-tied. When the tongue tip attempts to reach either side of the mouth, the baby will twist the tongue and will not be able to bring the tongue tip to the back of the gums. A severe tongue-tie will prevent the baby from getting the tongue tip over the lower gum ridge.

Both the connective tissue under the tongue and connecting the top lip to the gums can be tight as well, such as here:

Maxillary labial frenum.
Photo: www.tempestbeauty.com

Problems that tongue tie can create include a bad latch, which can cause nipple pain and soreness in the mother. Without proper latch and the full ability to suck, the baby may spend more time on the breast to get enough milk to satisfy him. He also may have weight gain issues, gassiness and fussiness. Mother's milk supply often goes down, leaving both mom and baby frustrated, and mom is left thinking something is wrong with her milk.

Unfortunately, doctors are often not entirely educated on the subject of tongue tie and what to do about it. My friend Amy, a mom of four, said that although her oldest two both had it, because they were gaining weight the doctor wasn't concerned. "My doctor said that their tongue tie was not a problem, even though it was causing problems, just not weight gain issues," she said. When her third son was born, she sought a second opinion when the initial physician found nothing wrong. "Within a few days" of getting the frenulum clipped, she said, "he was such a different baby, with nursing and just his disposition in general."

This is the problem: even if mom does suspect something is wrong, the doctor may not always act on your suspicions. I actually read a question from someone whose doctor told her tongue tie was over-diagnosed, which I find hard to believe. Based on the differences between each type of tie and the individual anatomy of the mother's breast, experiences may vary: some may give up nursing early because of painful, cracked nipples and low milk supply, and some may have no problems at all, which some speculate might cause doctors to not recognize it properly.

Third-time mom Christina is in the throes of trying to get her baby accurately diagnosed. She explains that her baby doesn't seem to be able to get a "deep latch," milk will dribble out of her mouth while nursing, and she makes "clicking sounds" when she eats. She also projectile vomits regularly and gags whenever a bottle or pacifier are used. The ENT specialist that saw her daughter pronounced her "fine," but Christina knows that isn't true. Upon getting a second opinion from a pediatric dentist, the dentist confirmed that no, she wasn't "crazy," and that she's 'heard her story hundreds of times' from other mothers, whose intuition "is rarely wrong."

Christina emailed photos to the dentist, who wrote back and said that her baby has the most severe form of tongue tie there is, upper and lower, and said that "signs and symptoms indicate that she requires tongue-tie and lip-tie frenectomies." (Does this sound like a baby that's "fine" to you?)

Although every baby occasionally spits up and has fussiness or gas, it seems like this leaves a wide door for the formula industry to step in. There are all kinds of formulas marketed for babies with "colic," gas and spitting up, and many think that tongue ties are going undiagnosed because of this. "This makes me seriously wonder how many breastfeeding relationships are destroyed by doctors telling women that everything is fine when it isn't," Christina says. That something is wrong with you and your milk, so why don't you just switch to formula instead?

Before the widespread use of infant formula, the birth attendant usually clipped a tight frenulum immediately after birth. Since the cultural shift to using formula, however, it's largely fallen out of practice.

When a Florida doctor's child was born with tongue-tie, she had her son evaluated by an ENT who agreed to do the procedure. I'm guessing it's because she was a fellow doctor, not because he thought she was just a mom with good instinct. A lactation consultant, she pointed out, noted how lucky she was to find a doctor who would take her concerns seriously. When her child was born, she asked the postpartum nurse about the telltale heart-shaped tongue, and the nurse replied, "That's a tight frenulum. But no one does anything about them anymore." If no one does anything, the mother may go weeks, even months, struggling to breastfeed, even giving up because it seems unsuccessful. Because infant formula use has become so engrained in our medical culture it seems to be the first suggestion for solving any problem, even when there are other solutions.

Amy's doctor made an interesting observation: that more second- and third-time mothers come in for this problem, because first-time mothers often don't realize what it is and may stop nursing altogether because of milk supply issues, etc. "Perhaps they just give up nursing or trudge through even though they are having a horrible time," she thinks. "I didn't ask for help because I wouldn't even have known what to ask about." With no other children to compare it to, it can be confusing and frustrating to figure out what's going on. Then you might get an uninformed doctor who mistakenly says nothing is wrong.

If you suspect your baby has tongue-tie, especially when it's not glaringly obvious, here's a partial list of possibilities that might help:

• In mom, persistent very sore, damaged or blistered nipples (because of a bad latch)
• excessive weight loss in baby
• slow or no weight gain in baby
• cannot maintain a seal at the breast or bottle, often has gaps at corners of mouth that milk may spill out from
• baby only swallows infrequently
• very frequent feeds; I've also read that babies who spend a long time on the breast before being satisfied (if they are at all) is also a sign
• excessive gas, colic, green stools
• unable to protrude tongue (depending on the degree of the tie)
• clicking sound when feeding, may pop on or off
• low milk supply in mother
• gagging

For the article and entire list, click here.

It's important to trust your gut - if something doesn't seem right, check with your doctor. Realize that doctors aren't perfect, and do not be afraid to seek a second (or even a third!) opinion. It's not unheard of - and quite sad, really - for parents to travel miles, across states, even, to find someone who will listen to their concerns and do the procedure. But once it's done, it can often make all the difference in the world.

More reading:
Tongue Tie: From Confusion to Clarity
Tongue-tied breastfeeding 
Information on Tongue-Tied Babies: Breastfeeding Basics
Tempest Beauty: Maxillary Labial Frenum and Tongue Tie
Booby Traps: Docs who won't snip tongue-tie, thousands of breastfeeding moms and babies suffer - Best for Babes Foundation

How do we normalize breastfeeding?

So World Breastfeeding Week is over and now we're into "National Breastfeeding Month" in the United States. It would seem that we need literally a month to devote to this subject because when it comes to our attitudes on breastfeeding, the rest of the world thinks we're nuts and can't understand our problem.

How exactly do we normalize breastfeeding? And what does that mean?

Some are all about the doublespeak: "I totally support your right to breastfeed, as long as you do it in private or very discreetly." Which sounds an awful lot like "I think breastfeeding is the best thing for babies, but I just don't want to see you actually doing it."

This Victoria's Secret mannequin
leaves nothing to the imagination

Sometimes when I'm out and about I observe things that make me scratch my head like "Seriously?" It's not a wonder we have issues.

1. We need to respect the breast. I'm sorry, but one thing I can't stand is hearing (especially women, for some reason) referring to them as "tits." And when men start basically making cat calls like "I'm all for anything that involves seeing boobs in public," that doesn't really help, either. Sexual euphemisms for your breasts are not helping with the double-minded attitude that people have about breasts and what they should be used for, or that they even have more than one function.

The popular nursing cover "Hooter Hiders" further emphasizes my point: when we're talking about breastfeeding but referring to them as "hooters," I don't know about you but I automatically think of the restaurant chain. Completely pointless.

Not only does the giant apron draw more attention to you, but the name
"Hooter Hider" seems to sexualize the act of breastfeeding. I cannot
wrap my brain around the conflicting messages here. It's like
nourishing your baby, with a touch of vulgarity. Bleh. (And while
they say it's a "top must-have for breastfeeding mothers," I have never
seen anyone use one of these things.)

By sexualizing the breasts even when promoting breastfeeding, it's like shooting yourself in the foot. Case in point - these idiotic promo ads from the Ad Council. Are you serious? Is this really doing any good?

Once again, Americans prove how incredibly juvenile they are about using the breasts for something other than sex.

On the other hand, New Zealand takes a radical approach and actually shows (gasp!) someone breastfeeding. Wait - there's no tarp covering her and she's nursing - and you really can't even tell. How is this possible?

2. Sort of dovetailing off the above point, just say the word breast. I dare you to. Target has a clever tactic of calling it natural feeding in their stores. They can't even say "Breastfeeding" on the sign above the display, even though I'm sure 100 percent of the product packages featured in that section do. Maybe we could get over our sexualization of them if we just matter-of-factly, maturely, called them what they really are?

3. And dovetailing off of that, get rid of the ridiculous marketing. Again with the Target display, I was dumbfounded when I saw this there the other day:

Not only do they not call it "breastfeeding," they don't show anyone actually breastfeeding anywhere in the picture: there is an entire display of bottles with formula in them, and a canister of powdered formula in the foreground. What?!

This was even more disturbing. The mother and baby featured aren't nursing, either. This would have been a perfect opportunity for Target to actually feature a mother doing what the sign advertises, right?

Stranger still is the sign underneath - that immediately equates "natural feeding" with using a breast pump. Some women, obviously, will use them, but this seems to make you think you must buy one, you need one, so you don't have to actually be seen feeding your baby. Truly bizarre.

4. Just do it. I can't think of a better way to normalize it than actually feed your baby somewhere. Who knows - the more women we see nursing in public, the more it can possibly change attitudes and even encourage just one mom. As much as people complain about "exposing" little Johnny and Susie to it as kids, children do need to see that relationship to understand the basic function of the human body, whether mom likes it or not. I'd much rather explain to my child how their brother is fed than have to tell them why Susie's mother doesn't object when she wears next to nothing to school every day.

5. Be an advocate, whenever possible. This doesn't mean staging a "nurse in" or anything of that magnitude, but respectfully standing up for yourself and your rights as much as possible. I'm not saying defy police authority in the pathetic event that they might be called, but responding even keel and not getting angry probably helps a lot (no matter how much you want to smash the person's face in). Hand them a pamphlet with your state's breastfeeding laws. Tell them you're perfectly within your rights and carry on. It's sad that you even have to approach such a thing as infant feeding looking for a fight, but some people will confront you no matter how much you're covered simply because they know what you're doing under there. 

Advocacy shouldn't include, however, being a "nursing Nazi" (a term I despise) and even if you do think formula is poison, keep those sentiments to yourself. Getting up in a mom's face for not breastfeeding is not going to make her turn around and lactate, either.

One way I could put my money where my mouth is, for instance, is to write a nice letter to Target asking them why they're complete asshats about the way they "promote" breastfeeding. Perhaps some positive changes will take place as a result; or maybe they'll just send me coupons for free formula. *snark*

Subversive marketing tactics: Nestle "milk nurses"

In light of the recent flak Mayor Michael Bloomberg has been getting for his breastfeeding campaign in NYC hospitals, it's important to go back in history a little and explore the origins of that "little bag of freebies" - which might not be as harmless as we think.

For more than a century, Nestle has become a household name - associated with everything sweet and good. But what you may or may not know is that when it comes to marketing their infant formula, they often left a very bitter taste in the mouths of many mothers and infants worldwide.

"Milk nurses" in South Africa. "Some firms
used "milk nurses" as part of their promotions.
Dressed in nurse uniforms, "Milk nurses" were
assigned to maternity wards by their companies
 and paid commissions to get new mothers
to feed their babies formula. Mothers who did
so soon discovered that lactation could not be
achieved and the commitment to
bottle-feeding was irreversible." -
Business: Its Legal, Ethical, and
Global Environment, by Marianne M. Jennings

Nestle made its presence known in South Africa more than half a century ago with "milk nurses," women who were either actually nurses or those dressed to look like ones - who represented the company. Poor women with little, if any, access to clean, running water were then persuaded to try their products, and soon the baby would be accustomed to getting a bottle of formula instead of mom's breast. In time, the breast milk would dry up - but so would the cash flow necessary to buy more formula to feed the baby.

Problems ranged from mothers reconstituting formula with contaminated water, which often led to diarrhea and even death, or watering it down to make the product last longer - which led to malnutrition. One blogger notes:

A fellow nutrition student of mine was formerly head of the Nestle milk nurses in Kenya. She told me that she and her staff not only were qualified, they were among the most senior nurses in the country and wore uniforms indicating this. She said that regular government nurses then had to “obey” the Nestle milk nurses!

Meaning, there is a systematic method of coercion: whether real or portrayed as such, these "milk nurses" were an established presence on behalf of the company, and by showing a special uniform as a display of power and authority, seems to suggest that anyone who questioned them was "in trouble."

Nowadays we think of those typical goodie bags as no big deal, and with heavy government subsidization of formula, it's not that difficult to obtain more when you run out. However, the problem of reconstituting weakly to make it last longer, doesn't seem to be isolated to foreign countries with indigenous tribal people: the same thing happens here in the US. Whether it's simply greed or ignorance, I don't know, but hearing comments like this one make me want to scream - is it still a mother's choice not to breastfeed, even if it's a completely ill-informed one?

People here in America do this too. I've seen a woman water hers down and sell the remaining WIC cans on craigslist.

Although there are WIC programs that do encourage breastfeeding among low-income mothers, it's obvious that the memo might not be as widely-circulated as it should be.

Some ask, "How is Nestle responsible for people who water down their baby's formula?" By marketing heavily to a nation who cannot sustain using their product. The level of abject poverty in many African nations is something even our poorest cannot comprehend, and seemingly few understand the role that these powerful milk "nurses" played in convincing a woman that her own milk was inferior.

One blogger says she was told by a high school teacher about this situation in South Africa, and promptly thought those women must be "stupid" for believing these nurses. Then when she grew up and nursed her own babies, she said, she ran across this image and it opened her eyes:

Photo credit: UNICEF. Source:
http://www.jemjabella.co.uk/2010/jemjabella-is-a-nestle-free-zone/

The babies in this photo are actually twins. At the mother's permission, she posed for this photograph, taken by a UNICEF worker, after learning that even some breast milk could have helped her daughter to thrive like her brother. Healthcare workers convinced this mother, however, that there was no way she could provide enough milk for both babies, so she faced a difficult decision. Her daughter apparently died the day after this photo was taken. Now that's guilt.

Some ask, "Why didn't workers do this? Why didn't workers tell her that?" Because they have a product to sell. Much like drug reps, hospitals and doctors are often given copious amounts of the stuff for those who truly cannot nurse or don't wish to, in exchange for other goods, I've read. When you have healthcare professionals spewing out this kinds of misinformation, vulnerable mothers are more likely to believe it.

Many have chosen to boycott Nestle as a result; still others ask, "How does this affect me?" The same thing happens here all the time: studies have shown that poorer families are more prone to water down infant formula to make it last, even while getting government subsidies. What if, when those women were in the hospital, they were actually encouraged to breastfeed? With generations of dysfunctional attitudes and perpetuating myths about breastfeeding, how can you expect them to?

More reading:
Poor parents found to water down baby formula: study
Cash-strapped parents warned after Florida infant nearly dies from watered-down formula
China finds cancer-causing toxin in baby formula
Nestle dupes moms, kills babies in Indonesia - DailyMomtra

Understanding Mayor Bloomberg's "formula ban" in NYC hospitals

World Breastfeeding Week 2012 logo: "Understanding the past,"
and how it's negatively influenced the breastfeeding relationship
for countless mothers over literally decades, is key to
understanding initiatives like Bloomberg's in NYC. 

The internet is in a tizzy over the recent decision of NYC mayor Michael Bloomberg to "ban" infant formula and 'keep it under lock and key' in the city's hospitals.

Many people exhibited a typical knee-jerk reaction - ranging from mumblings about 'breastfeeding Nazis' to a woman's choice on how to feed her child. While it should be her choice, it's clear that we understand how that choice can be heavily influenced by a variety of factors, including the media's influence. First of all, it's not a ban. That would mean that all cans have been removed, that there isn't a drop of infant formula to be found anywhere within New York City hospitals.

I think for the staunchest of breastfeeding supporters, or mothers who fully know the benefits and intend to nurse their babies, this ruling means little - because they're already doing all that (or intend to, at any rate). There are those who make the decision based on all the facts and say, "You know what - this isn't for me," mothers who plan on returning to work full time, have stressful situations at home or little support in their efforts, or a variety of reasons - which include just not wanting to. If you don't want to, I doubt this move is going to stop you and no hospital employee should have a right to refuse you infant formula that you know you want to use.

But I do believe there are many women who are on the fence about their decision - whether it's really right for them, whether it will be hard or easy, or who just don't know enough to make a truly informed decision. These ambivalent feelings might run deeper than we realize - and no doubt stem from an upbringing in a culture with 'ubiquitous bottle feeding,' as one of my readers put it. Plainly put, if you are a mom-to-be who, like many other women, was never raised around anyone who nursed a baby, never saw it done anywhere, anyplace, then you are probably more likely to not give a crap and say 'Why not choose formula? It's there, why not use it?'

If you are surrounded by mothers who never nursed, friends who say things like 'it hurts too much, it's too difficult,' etc. etc. you have to wonder what kind of support they were getting. The further back in our society you go, you hear tales of women unwittingly given medication to dry up their breast milk, because nursing was just not en vogue in those days (of which we are not that far removed). Women who were told (and still are, depressingly) that 'their nipples were too big/too small,' 'formula is the same thing as breast milk' and a host of other inanities. Couple that with the overt sexualization of breasts in our culture, because no one has been actually used to seeing them do their primary job on a regular basis for at least the past 40 years or so, and it's a wonder any woman ever has a successful breastfeeding relationship.

I can see where Mayor Bloomberg is going with this - and why he seems adamantly nutso to those who don't understand or see the big picture. If you don't realize the history in this big debate, you're going to think the man is trying to strip women of their freedoms and force those inferior formula feeders to give birth in the hospital's janitor's closet.

Reading reports about it in the media don't help, either. Usually by the tone of the piece, you can tell there is some alarmism that says "How dare they!" Before we freak out and assume the worst when reading these articles, we have to ask ourselves: "Is this even true? How accurate is this piece, and how much do they understand the full history behind this problem?" If they're using sensationalist language, screaming headlines and defensive words meant to do nothing but get your hackles up, then perhaps it's best to move on.

Some examples: (from The New American, in a piece written by Michael Tennant)

Now New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg wants to take formula out of the mouths of babies.....In addition, any mother asking for formula for her baby will get a side order: a lecture on the benefits of breastfeeding....A mother’s choice not to breastfeed, on the other hand, will not be supported.

“The key to getting more moms to breast-feed,” Lisa Paladino of Staten Island University Hospital told the Post, “is making the formula less accessible.” In Bloomberg’s Big Apple, adults cannot be trusted to make wise decisions; the government must do that for them.

Lectured? I hope not. I think if a woman really knows the benefits and still doesn't want to, hey, that's great. Perhaps using the word 'lectured' is a bit harsh - and I'm sure she'll be no more lectured than a woman who is struggling with nursing and really wants to continue, who often hears, "Oh, that'll never work - just use formula." "Why don't you let us feed your baby formula? You need your rest." "Your baby's too big for you to breastfeed. Why don't you just use formula? It's right there. Besides, it might not work out."

Michael, do you have any idea how heavily these products have been marketed, pushed and sometimes given without the mother's permission, sometimes against, for decades?

This article, from The Examiner.com, gets in your face and pretty bombastic from the get-go:

Mayor Michael Bloomberg has devised a new and cunning way to force new citizens of New York to suck at the teat of the State by insisting that they suck at their mother’s.

Seriously? Grow up.

Keeping tabs on the amount of infant formula that flies out the door is probably not such a bad idea - after all, it's rather expensive stuff. I wonder if the author of this article realizes also that the US government subsidizes half of infant formula consumed in this country?

Of course, the first thing this does is stir up even more tension and derision in the mommy wars, without offering any thought or insight into the debate, nor its history in why we get so freaking defensive about what breasts are for in the first place.

Comments on one article (read it here) actually included "Breastfeeding is overrated," peppered with "My milk didn't come in after four days!" and "I supplemented with formula samples and then my milk dried up" are why these initiatives need to take place. There is just as much fervency and lack of support on the other side of the fence, coupled with myths and untrue "advice," that hopefully such a program can be helpful to those who need it. No one should make a mom feel guilty if she can't or doesn't want to breastfeed, certainly; but if you know nothing of it - as one writer admits - then what? Is that really an informed choice?

"I’ve never had a deeper understanding or appreciation of my breasts as feeding mechanisms. I’ve grown up thinking of them as sex objects and not as nourishment." 

It's the long-term influence of these companies, starting with our grandmothers and trickling down to us, that has played a tremendous role in our thinking today. Some argue that one bag of freebies isn't going to sway even the most determined mom - but it's amazing how fast that determination crumbles when you're surrounded by "booby traps:" unsupportive spouses, ill-informed but well-meaning girlfriends, aunts, sisters, mothers and yes, even doctors and nurses. The very people who could be making your journey easier are actually making it harder.

The resolution needs some tweaking, I think; but it's definitely a step in the right direction. And before you give yourself a heart attack after reading countless ill-informed, panic stricken headlines, realize that the measure hasn't even passed yet - which doesn't even mean it will. I've read that those hospitals seeking a "mother-baby friendly" rating are scrambling to put their own initiative into practice, which is great - and which will likely lead countless women to think all hospitals are that great and supportive when it comes to a mother's choice on how to feed her baby. They will likely not understand how, in one person's words, some hospitals in this country are "positively draconian" in their labor and delivery practices, extending to the breastfeeding relationship (think immediate, often completely unnecessary separation of mother and baby after birth, and so it begins).

Lastly, when you scan the headlines and read "Michael Bloomberg wants to ban formula," you must realize that no, it's not being "banned." If anything it saves resources for those who really do want to formula feed, instead of handing out expensive cans of the stuff to women who will likely throw it out or let it expire on kitchen cupboards somewhere. And it could cut down on the unscrupulous tactics of hospital staff shoving cans of it in your face the minute it appears the baby is having trouble latching, passes excessive gas or has to audacity to spit up. (See, that train goes both ways, ladies.) Considering that advocates decry the media's poor grasp of all things pregnancy, childbirth and breastfeeding, do you really expect them to get this right?

"Booby traps" in the NICU

Photo credit: Benjamin Earwicker.

I've never had a baby in the NICU, but I've run across more painful, heart wrenching stories of women desperate to nurse their babies who were offered little, if any, support. Then others have nothing but glowing reports about how wonderful and supportive their staff was, how caring and understanding the nurses were. It leaves me wondering: why is there such a disparity of care and support for these mothers and babies?

Obviously premature babies have special needs and issues, and often times they are born too young to even have a strong sucking reflex down yet. Not all babies, though, who are in the NICU are premature, and even some that are don't have the same problems other babies do. While obviously the sucking reflex is a common problem among preemies, I can't imagine that it exists with all of them, and I start to wonder, is this a self-fulfilling prophecy? That because it can be a problem, we're just going to go ahead and treat it like it is one?

Popular breastfeeding websites like Kellymom.com and the Best for Babes Foundation both posted this article on their Facebook fan pages, and the response from some mothers was nothing short of heartbreaking. Some of the comments included:

"I was flat out told by a nurse that it's nice to try but don't be afraid to give up - formula is just easier."

"They were very pro-milk, but not pro-breastfeeding. I had no support after."

"I am VERY thankful my preemie was my second breastfed child. If he had been my first I am confident that the hospital would have ruined any efforts to breastfeed...they were supportive (somewhat) of providing breast milk to my baby, but not of my baby breastfeeding. I had to push very hard on the doctors and nurses in the hospital to make it happen."

"My son went for 3-4 hours. I literally told the nurse "you can take him but if anybody gives him formula I will kill them." An hour later, the same nurse said, "His blood sugar was low so I gave him a little formula."

This also happened to me with my third child, who was born at term weighing 8 pounds, 7 ounces - nothing huge. The nurse flatly told me, "We gave him formula because his blood sugar was low," and when I shot her a look of surprise, she said, "We don't ask, we just do it." I received no other information whatsoever about my son's condition, nothing - and wondered, What is it about my breast milk that can't solve this problem but formula can? I don't think so.

Much like the schedules and strict feeding routines have been encouraged among term infants, the same exists in the NICU. One mom told how the nurses would only let her put the baby to the breast for short periods, then wanted her to give a bottle so they could see how much he was getting. Like this mother, I remember being almost obsessed about wet and poopy diapers and the length and time of feedings, to the point where it was almost making me crazy. And like her, I had an almost epiphany where I asked myself, What am I doing?! and threw them away, which made the nursing relationship so much easier and more relaxed, for both of us.

In the case of infants who were there but weren't premature, it seems that formula was often still pushed.

"I had some nurses forcing formula if she wasn't finished nursing after ten minutes on each side."

"I'm surprised we didn't have issues establishing a nursing relationship! They constantly 'forgot' to tell me when he was hungry so i could come and breastfeed him (I was recovering from a very traumatic birth) and *sneaked* formula. I was SO MAD."

"My youngest was automatically put in the NICU because he was a vaginal breech delivery. He was born a day short of 41 weeks. He was 9 pounds. They told me they didn't now if they could "allow" me to breastfeed."

Many said the same thing: that the idea of breast milk itself was readily accepted, just not breastfeeding. Why? I have to wonder if it's not so much because of 'cultural norms' but because they don't want to see you - and don't want to run the risk of others being offended because of an inability or lack of desire to breastfeed. I've often thought there were serious psychological and control issues when it came to some nurses and breastfed babies. And while most nurses would happily turn over care to the preemie mom, some, I think, almost develop a complex - because they are so engrained and entrenched in the care of these babies that they get defensive of their territory when someone - even the mother - steps in. Our cultural attitudes about public breastfeeding can also spill over into healthcare professionals - the very people who should know the most about it, and facilitate it the most, can also be the same ones to totally undermine and completely destroy that relationship.

I came across this link to a blog post where a nurse overhears a potential NICU job candidate announce, during the interview, "I don't DO breastfeeding." In her post, she mentioned an article posted on the Breastfeeding Moms Unite! blog, "Do nurses learn about breastfeeding in nursing school?" She confirmed our worst fears - that they don't, or at least didn't when she was in school, learn much about either the physiology or the mechanism behind it. As she put it, "The nurses owned the babies back then..." I argue they still often think they do.

Why would someone make a public declaration of this? Especially a person who is responsible for the care of patients who could benefit the most from breast milk? The nurse who overheard the exchange actually felt that this person would be hired, and I can't imagine why. Unless we're praising formula strictly for the sake of convenience, instead of seeing breastfeeding as a public health issue - especially among those most at risk. Her poor attitude could - and probably will - compromise the care of some - maybe all - babies, and I just don't see how anyone could want that person on their staff.

And if you actually question their authority, take charge of your baby and defy their "orders," you just might run into this problem:

"I think the only reason I established a successful nursing relationship, despite NICU nurses who threw away my "extra" expressed milk and gave her formula because the "refrigerator had no space," who scoffed at the "trendy" idea of kangaroo care, who chastised me when I nursed in the open, busy main room in front of her isolette instead of in the curtained-off "family room" that was almost always in use and locked (the hospital social worker actually reported me to CPS for my "public indecency" in the NICU and my "troubling attitude!"), the doctor who insisted on "plumping up" my expressed milk with preemie formula and sent me home with two massive cases of free liquid samples of the nasty stuff, was that I have a hypersensitive bullshit detector and a hyposensitive reaction to the advice of outsiders."

More reading:
When should I give my baby formula? regarding hypoglycemia and the newborn
NICU nurse in job interview: I Don't DO breastfeeding"- StorkStories
Gettin' your baby fix on, Similac Style
The nurse's role in promoting or undermining breastfeeding
Anti-breastfeeding NICU - mothering.com post

So, where exactly *can* you breastfeed?

In 2010, right after National Breastfeeding Week, CBS ran the following slide show on their site: "9 places "they" say you should not breastfeed." Like this blogger asked, Who exactly is "they?" Even though almost all US states have laws on the books that protect the rights of the nursing mother, many just don't seem to get it.

Some that made the list include:

Photo: CBS News.

1) In front of men.
For me, this was probably one of the most annoying, because I often hear more supportive comments from men than from fellow women. While some guys make idiotic comments about it like NASCAR driver Kasey Kahne made a few months ago, it's completely unfair to make them all look like drooling idiots with a one-track mind.

2) In public. That could mean just about anything to some people. And strangely enough, the photo they used to illustrate this point was "edited" to not show the nursing mother's breast, but yet left intact when the same photo was used for the accompanying survey. Did someone forget that it was supposed to be offensive?

TV personality Barbara Walters
expressed her discomfort
after witnessing a mother on a flight
nursing her baby without a cover.
She reportedly made her hairdresser
sit between them. So apparently
the skies aren't so friendly after all. 

3) On a plane.
Actually, many people would probably say children shouldn't be on flights at all, because who wants to be stuck in a confined space with children? And if you're nursing them, that's even worse. (Never mind that CBS mentions that one benefit to nursing while flying is that it can ease pressure in baby's ears, which makes for less fussing and crying. But it's still wrong, apparently.)

4) In front of kids. This one made me really sad, because otherwise if you don't allow children to see the most natural way to feed a baby, they're going to think - much like many adults - that bottle-feeding is the only way to do it and won't know any better. The Sesame Street clips show us that kids are naturally curious and can have the process explained - and showed - to them in a perfectly age-appropriate, respectful manner.

I bet many people who think it shouldn't be done around kids have no problems with - much less notice - the amount of skin children are regularly exposed to every day: on TV programs and in commercials, while passing by shop windows at the mall, and in public from many others whom they come into contact with. Without explaining to children the parallels and ironies of this, they probably no doubt grow up very confused by the whole thing.

5) In a restaurant. People have to eat, and a baby's no exception, really. Their rationale for why, though, is f*king ridiculous, if you'll pardon my french.

"Advocates say serve it up, but some doctors worry that if a mom has an infectious illness like HIV, her breast milk can spread the infection to others. So, moms should be careful to keep breast milk off surfaces."

The idiocy here is amazing, and I think just another psychological roadblock that many people can't wrap their heads around: that infants need to eat, too, even if it's not from the table. HIV? Really? What, is she going around and squirting milk into people's faces or something?

6) On the job. I'm sure this one will piss you off as much as it did me, because it's hard enough to get support while nursing and working full time. I honestly do not know how moms can work full time and pump, because I considered pumping a nightmare and dreaded it. It's just another serious booby trap - and while you're at it, try not to notice how many smoke breaks that guy in the cubicle next to you takes (the ones that no one says a word about, by the way).

7) At a friend's house. Okay, eff that! If you have a friend who is upset by the sight of you nursing while a guest in her home, then find new friends. Because she clearly isn't one.

8) In a public bathroom. This one was the most ironic - while on their "blacklist" of places not to nurse, it's probably the one where people tell you - or politely suggest - to go to most. This is another psychological one, I think: because just like in a firing squad, no one really wants to be considered the bad guy who made a woman feel shamed enough that she headed to a bathroom to feed her child. And they also don't want to think about how dirty those bathrooms are. So by not thinking about it, it makes it okay, I guess. Kind of like, 'If I ignore it, it will go away.'

Meanwhile, CBS News' response is "Better for mom to catch hell for nursing in public than for junior to get a cold." Catch hell? From whom? And they still make mom sound like she's doing something wrong: acknowledging that someone will disapprove, or that she's a bad mom for exposing her kid to all those germs.

Some think the only real place to do it is your own home. (And hell, even then some moms have taken crap from relatives or friends visiting in their own home about covering up or going into another room.) The car? Nope, someone can still see you, unless you either put a giant blanket over both of you or have heavily tinted windows. And if they see you getting out of your car with a baby, they'll probably still think, "Oh my God, eww! She was feeding her baby in there! Why can't you just use a bottle already?!" 

Many use the rationale that "it's a private act, it needs to be done at home." I guess that means that for as long as I nurse my child, I'm going to be tethered to my doorstep? Really?

They're invisible chains, but they're chains,
nonetheless. 

I think what this segment is really trying to say is "Breastfeeding is best, but we don't like it." According to this survey, there is no perfect place to nurse your child, apparently. 


More reading:
Survey: Should women breastfeed anywhere? (note: the original tagline for this survey said "Should moms be allowed to breastfeed anywhere?)

The politics of nursing in public: haters gonna hate

The other day someone graciously shared this very powerful photo on my fan page:

Photo credits: Teresa Henderson/Michelle Hickman/Becky Wheeler

It generated a lot of interest and definitely some controversy, with 160 shares and more than 500 comments - more than my page has ever seen all in one place before.

Most were overwhelmingly positive, and of course, it'll also bring people out of the woodwork. In moderating the comments, I noticed some interesting things happening, though.

Whenever someone argues against breastfeeding in public, specifically, they always say things like this, "I don't want to see her breasts in public!" But the mother isn't showing any breast at all, so they move on to something else, like the age of her child.

If the child can walk and "could ask for the boob," then he was too old. Or that breast milk didn't provide much nutrition, if any, past the age of one year. (Not sure why, but that part about walking seems to stick with many, who think that's the magic age when kids are automatically independent and don't need their parents anymore.)

Thankfully some pointed out that even newborns can "ask" for milk - by doing the breast crawl, rooting, shoving their fists in their mouths, and finally, crying. And some children start cruising, walking well before a year old, so then what?

Photo credit: Carin Araujo

"'If they're old enough to ask for it, they're too old!' Right! My four-year-old just walked up to me and was like, 'Mommy, can I have an apple, please?' and I was like, 'Oh hell no, if you're old enough to ask for it, you can starve!'" 

Others then mentioned how they felt misled because the photo was staged. Psychologically I think it makes people feel better to know that this particular mother really didn't have to nurse her child in there, even though thousands of women everyday feel compelled to do something very similar.

One guy gets huffy and says "he was lied to." "Just a random pic is VERY misleading." In other words, I don't want to admit or believe that women really do have to sit in a toilet stall to breastfeed because of my delicate sensibilities!"


Some stated that they supported breastfeeding in public, as long as mom was modest about it and used a cover. While I personally preferred to be covered, my babies never liked it much. And I've heard many stories from nursing mothers about how, even though they were covered and showed nothing, they were still confronted publicly about it. A friend told me how, when she was at the mall, she had barricaded herself in a corner, behind her stroller, her baby covered, and someone still came tottering over to her to complain about what she was doing.

As usual, many women asked why the mother couldn't "just pump for those occasions?" Because we all know it's so easy! I asked readers on my fan page if they had trouble pumping and almost everyone that responded said "Yes!" I thought it was just me. I had no problems pumping with my first child, but after that, would probably have to start three or four days ahead of time if I knew I was going to be away from the baby for even a short time. Dreadful.

Photo credit: Marek Bernat

"I don't think she should have to pump just so YOU don't feel uncomfortable. That's your problem... My son never took a bottle, so do you suggest I let him scream instead of nurse? If my son wants to nurse, shoving a carrot or a granola bar in his face is not going to appease him."

And lastly, they picked apart the fact that the mother was pregnant. "You're so not supposed to do that!" one person practically gasped.

In other words, if your supposed immodesty isn't an issue, something else always will be. You just can't please anyone, it seems, and someone will always find a reason to complain about your choice to feed your child. Haters are always gonna hate.

How thyroid disorders can affect postpartum health and the breastfeeding relationship

When you have a baby, you're tired. Your hormones are out of whack, your periods are wonky, you might feel like crap and your hair falls out. Is it from "just being a tired mom" (said by your OB rather condescendingly) or is it because of something else?

When I was three or four months postpartum, I noticed weird stuff going on in my neck. As a side sleeper, I could no longer sleep that way without discomfort and even some pain. It was mildly uncomfortable to swallow, even though it wasn't the same as a typical sore throat pain. My neck swelled up and I thought I had some kind of virus, so I went to the doctor.

The physician's assistant thought maybe I had mono, so she ordered a blood test. It came back negative, but in the meantime she put me on antibiotics. After I took one pill, I thought, Wait a minute, mono is a virus, not bacterial. What the heck am I taking these for? I threw them out.

Another thing she told me: Stop breastfeeding for a while in case your baby gets what you have.

No way was I doing that. I knew my baby would be protected because I was nursing exclusively, and who's to say he wouldn't get it anyway?

I went at least another year before finding out why I felt half-dead most of the time, and probably another year on top of that before starting medication. I couldn't help but wonder, how many other "tired moms" go that long and then some with doctors throwing antidepressants at them, and everyone else patronizingly telling them, "Oh, you're just tired! Get more rest!"

In retrospect, I know now that I had postpartum thyroiditis, where the thyroid gland is affected by a surge of hormones and gets inflamed. In some cases it can last weeks or even months, and then go back to normal. In others, it makes you hypothyroid, and is under the umbrella of autoimmune thyroid disorders, or Hashimoto's disease.

Thyroid disorders can also make you feel depressed, on top of what you might already be feeling as a new mom who is struggling to adjust to changes or new additions in the family. In addition, another possibly huge impact on the new mother is how it can interfere with the breastfeeding relationship. I am bolding this simply because I feel that perhaps this is one component to lower breastfeeding rates, and perhaps the root of some women's difficulties with breastfeeding, that has perhaps been overlooked.

One of the signs is decreased milk volume in breastfeeding women. Considering how prevalent thyroid disorders are, it almost makes you wonder if this is one of the causes behind why some women are unsuccessful at breastfeeding and never really know why. And, according to the La Leche League, little if any research has been done on it - not only do many doctors not have a sound understanding of the mechanics of breast milk production, supply and demand, but seemingly few of those doctors truly understand thyroid disorders, either, sadly. This unknown factor in a mom's health could mean the difference between treating her condition properly or going years without knowing the true underlying cause of why she "couldn't nurse" her babies.

I posed this question of many thyroid patients recently and came up with interesting responses: I asked them if they ever had trouble breastfeeding, and if so, did they find out why? Some never had problems, others were, at one time, able to nurse very well and then suddenly production declined as they had more children. I noticed this myself: with my first, I could pump like crazy, but almost nothing with my second or third children. One said she was successfully able to nurse twins and then, in a later child, had supply issues. And some women said they tried everything - and nothing worked.

Breastmilk production is stimulated by prolactin, which is produced in the pituitary gland. Not coincidentally, the pituitary gland is also responsible for producing TSH, or thyroid stimulating hormone.

In reality, "any woman who has been pregnant can have postpartum thyroiditis," according to thyroid advocate Mary Shomon's website. There is the chance that the thyroid will return to normal in some women, but in others it can lead to a more persistent form of thyroid disorder, whether Hashimoto's or eventually full-blown hypothyroidism.

More reading:
Hashimoto's and Postpartum Thyroiditis
Thyroid problems after pregnancy: A look at postpartum thyroiditis
The impact of thyroid dysfunction on lactation - La Leche League

On birth suites and breastfeeding: what a busy week!

I've been slacking - I'm supposed to be writing posts about thyroid awareness, but considering the busy week the entertainment industry's been having, I couldn't help but get distracted!

Beyonce's Birth Suite
First, Beyonce had her baby. Woo. I know, I'm like the 400th person to write a blog post about it, and really, it doesn't matter to me whether she had a natural birth or a cesarean. Well, in some ways it matters, yes - but not in the way some people think it does. Without rehashing too much of what everyone else has said, I do think how a woman gives birth matters: in the sense that surgical births are completely downplayed and approached with almost a blasé attitude, to the point where vaginal births - normal ones, anyway - are almost considered "old-fashioned." If she got the birth she wanted, then great - either way. When the entire world thought she had a cesarean at 37 weeks for breech, though, I wondered aloud, "What if this is the best information she had at the time? Many of us, including myself, have been there."

Photo: TMZ

Anyway, once photos of her birth suite were leaked, it got me thinking: why does someone have to be of "celebrity" or important status to have a comfortable, homey-looking place like this? Why do the rest of us get relegated to a double room with a complaining, loud roommate and plastic furniture?

I thought back to my own births. I gave birth to three children in two hospitals. My first was a cesarean, I was ill-informed, scared, and alone. My husband wasn't allowed to stay overnight with me, despite the fact there was a very empty bed next to mine the entire time I was there. Nurses ignored my repeated requests for pain medication, despite the obvious fact that something was wrong, and it was just a miserable experience overall. When my baby was born, he was quickly shown to me and then taken out in the hallway to be weighed and measured - which my husband witnessed - as I lay on the operating table, hearing his first cries. I thought to myself, I've just given birth, but this is so freaking surreal. I want to hold my child. When my husband cried tears of joy, they actually asked him if he was going to be okay, like something was wrong with him. Seriously?!

When it was time to get up and move around for the first time, I was in such pain I felt like my body was being seared in half. The nurse was unsympathetic. They actually told me to go get my own breakfast. I was confused, half-drugged with drugs that only half-worked, wondering where I was supposed to go to get it. Someone felt sorry for me and brought me a turkey sandwich. I thought this was odd, considering when I had my VBAC two years later (the birth I could have done cartwheels after) they brought me all my meals. What? 

For many women, just to have an unmedicated birth, they have to practically fight tooth and nail for it. Many are laughed at when they walk into the doctor's office with a birth plan. Many don't want anything all that special, except to maybe keep vaginal exams to a minimum, dim the lights and let them push in a position that feels comfortable to them, instead of to the doctor. In other words, they want their personal space respected as much as humanly possible, instead of be made to feel like a human science experiment, especially when it isn't necessary.

It's sad that we can't afford more laboring women the comforts of home within the "safe" confines of a hospital setting, since most people think hospitals are the best, safest place to give birth. Fine. Birthing centers seem to offer the best of both worlds, if you can find one. I know my city doesn't have any, that's for sure.

I think only within the last four or five years did my hospital convert their maternity rooms to private. In fact, there are those that can be reserved - as if you're a celebrity - but of course there's so few of them that they often get taken first. Birthing tubs and jacuzzis? Only four, available first-come, first-serve. I was denied access to them with my second birth because I was having a VBAC. Whatever. Apparently waterproof dopplers hadn't yet been invented in 2006. *eyeroll*

(Although they do mention CPMs, how they can lower infection and cesarean rates, fewer complications and healthier outcomes, based on WHO recommendations. So I'll give them that.)

Although hospitals go through expensive remodeling projects and blab endlessly about having expensive equipment to 'ensure you the best outcome,' it seems like they pour all their money into technology - which hasn't been shown to improve outcomes - and ignore some of the basics, like getting rid of that damned plastic furniture.

Seeing Beyonce's birth suite photos just reminds you of how in the Dark Ages many hospitals are when it comes to serving laboring women. And consider this - roughly only five percent are considered "Mother-baby friendly."

Sesame Street and breastfeeding in public
Like it hasn't already been done before, some think that breastfeeding should be "brought back" to The Street. I don't say that in a sarcastic tone - but mainly to say to all the haters, "It's already been done before. Twice. I don't remember hearing a lot of hoopla over it then or since, until now. One viewer remembers in retrospect:

Buffy breastfed Dakota in one episode; a former Canadian politician recently commented that "I remember seeing that and thinking about how proud she made aboriginal women because nursing is a part of our culture. During those days it was kind of a hidden thing, so to see Buffy doing it on Sesame Street was really something."

I've been embroiled in a heated, rather idiotic debate on Facebook over the last few days with some people who think it's wrong. I have repeated myself at least three or four times: "It's already been done before, twice, and no one raised a stink about it then." Someone complained, "Our tax dollars at work!" I corrected him and said, "Actually, the US government subsidizes half of the infant formula consumed in this country." No response. I don't think anyone actually bothers to read any of the comments before issuing their own thoughtful gem. What a bunch of idiots.

Some argued that that kind of thing "should be taught at home," and compared it with bodily fluids and functions (as usual) - even going so far as to say, "What next? Abortions? Conception?" I mean, come on. The reason these people don't see many women nursing in public anymore is because numbskulls like them have effectively driven women to either choose formula because they don't want to run the risk of their baby getting hungry in public, or they are currently feeding their child in a disgusting toilet stall somewhere.

And how can you teach something at home when that behavior, for whatever reason, isn't modeled at home? That's just the way it is, unfortunately. Kids are less likely to learn about something they're never going to see.

Many of the people who complained have probably never seen a woman nurse in public, or if they did, they didn't realize it. When they hear the word "breast" they immediately think "full frontal nudity," pasties and dancing around like you're a stripper.

I pointed out that, until formula started heavily being marketed to mothers, women nursing in public, tops open, was not unusual. As the formula industry moved into hospitals at an alarming rate, the sexual revolution gave way to an attitude that changed our ideas about what breasts were for, and, I think, the porn industry found new and more convenient outlets to reinforce those ideas. Before, public, open breastfeeding was normal and seen every day, and sex was not. Suddenly, those roles were reversed: sex was brought out into the spotlight, de-shamed, and breastfeeding was relegated to the back closet as old-fashioned and "dirty." Now people argue that if you're a breastfeeding mother, you should just "stay at home." But if you want to flash cleavage at all times for no reason, well - that's okay, I guess.

Where's Maria when you need her?

More reading:
You're my baby (bottled-fed version) - Sesame Street
Does breastfeeding belong on Sesame Street? - San Francisco Gate

Nursing in Public and the Target Controversy

Today I had to go to Target and specifically went to one out of my way in hopes of meeting up with some mothers who were involved in the Target Nurse-In. Somehow, I read about a local protest going on in my area that the news reported on (somewhat snarkily, I might add) where five women got together in the Target cafe to do their thing. I got there too late (or somehow expected them to be milling around the store, babes in hand LOL) but managed to read some idiotic comments on the article when I got home from shopping.

I bet none of the people who left a comment even saw any of the women in question. And because Target wouldn't allow cameras into the store (which is pretty common practice) we could only get a shot of the back of one woman and the top of her baby's head. If I saw the picture out of context, I wouldn't have even realized she was actually nursing a baby.

People used the typical phrases, "Go somewhere else," or "Find a private place," with proclamations of not wanting to see bodily functions - almost like you're comparing breast milk to sputum or diarrhea. Well, that "bodily function" sure saved me a lot of money when it came to feeding my babies. And if you want to look at it that way - yes, it's a function of your body, which means it was designed to do it. Doesn't mean you have to, but if you weren't meant to you'd be born with two cans of Enfamil strapped to your chest instead.

As I cruised around the store I saw one woman in the baby bottle aisle contemplating which one to choose. Maybe she was shopping for herself, maybe not, but I couldn't help but feel an invisible pang that said "You don't really need that stuff!" Yes, yes, I know there are many women out there who can't nurse: women with serious health issues, some who take dangerous medications, some who have other health issues that interfere with breast milk production that they don't even know about (more about that later in my upcoming series on thyroid disease). But I can't help but wonder if some of the biggest obstructions to nursing mothers (or potential nursing mothers) is psychological.

I don't know if I want to come right out and call people lazy. But there might be some truth in that, some of which isn't even their fault. Nursing is sometimes hard work for people, and I have the utmost admiration and awe for those who succeed, or try their damnedest, to make it work despite the odds. Pumping, working mothers? Oh how I respect them, because I know not everyone can stay home all the time to nurse their child whenever he wants the boob. Women who have tried every supplement on earth and still nothing works? You bet.

I think the modern age of conveniences - like relatively cheap, easy-to-come-by infant formula, perhaps - have made us lazy, in a sense. The mentality of It's right there, just go ahead and use it! is very tempting. Old worn-out ideology about nursing ("Your breasts are too small," "Your nipples are too flat," "You can't feed a big baby") still manage to somehow prevail, which boggles my mind, and therefore creates in women the idea that they're broken and can't possibly work, so why try?

This mentality, I think, has been happening way before us: before we were born, maybe before our mothers were even born. The heavy marketing of cheap, ready to use infant formula (along with lots of other modern things that made our lives easier) swayed our mothers and grandmothers to think the very parts we were born with were somehow dirty, outdated, useless, and paved the way for something better, or just as good, at least. Once the idea that breasts are meant to be looked at, ogled, instead - and that you could display them as you wished because you were a woman and free to do so, if you liked - somehow replaced in our minds that breasts were first and foremost meant to feed a baby and now, we were free to talk at length about their other purpose.

Because of that mentality - the same one that took us from "breast is best and infant formula should be only used for sickly babies" to "formula is fine; why even bother with anything else?" - there's this psychological supposition of failure: That because your mother and grandmother "could never nurse," you might not be able to, either. That because your baby spits up on your three or four times, he has colic and your milk is "bad." That because he's "fussy," (whatever that means) that you should just go ahead and stop nursing because this stuff is better and you don't even have to do anything. Because "who wants a two-year-old sucking on your tit all day?" *sigh* We've gone from people who couldn't afford not to nurse to a nation that actually subsidizes it - by upwards of 50 percent of the total consumption.

That same psychology of failure is what leads many people to believe it's wrong, you can't do it, because it seems like they almost want you to fail because they did. Like, "Because I couldn't do it I'm going to complain at length about why you are." Perhaps they're jealous, I don't know. Maybe the reason they couldn't or didn't is because, like our generation, they get mostly crappy support. No one to quietly tell them, "Hey, great job!" "That's awesome!" or even, "I could never nurse my babies but I'm happy to see you doing it." It's another mommy war, in which people are still angry that someone else dare succeed where they have failed.

One older woman I know, and probably many like her, was given medication to dry up her breast milk - without even asking - because it was assumed she would formula feed. This wasn't even that long ago; sadly, one recent article I read said that few hospitals in the US fully supported nursing mothers in their breastfeeding relationship, even among those who expressly said they wanted to nurse. Disgusting.

People can tell you to "go somewhere private" all they want - but that's not always a foolproof plan, either. One time while shopping in Walmart, I had to nurse the baby so I retreated to a fitting room (which was fine with me; then I could get nice and relatively comfy). In the middle of nursing, a kid - probably ten years old - looked under the door for several seconds not once but twice, which I must say I found kind of annoying. I mean, modeling a perfectly normal breast-feeding relationship is one thing, but can we do it another time, perhaps? And where the heck is your mother, kid?

The majority of people in that article who complained, I bet, have never even seen a nursing mother expose herself. Much less even seen a woman nursing her baby in public. Sadly, I can't even remember seeing a nursing mother any time recently. I think the last time I did was almost two years ago at my son's school field trip, when the mother of my son's classmate was breastfeeding her baby. And then, I stared - in awe, not in shock - because I admired her for tucking herself in a shady little corner and discretely nursing her baby. I knew what she was doing, but saw no breasts, nothing - except a little bundle of love cradled in her mother's arms.

More reading:
Target employees bully breastfeeding mom despite corporate policy - Best for Babes
Breastfeeding mother 'told to leave council headquarters because it is a multicultural building' - Daily Mail
Breastfeeding mother asked to leave pool
Women-only gym asks mother to leave for breastfeeding son
Natalie Hegedus, Mom, Kicked out of courtroom for breastfeeding - Huffington Post
Kasey Kahne, NASCAR driver, tweets against breastfeeding in public - Huffington Post