|"If you don't stop saying dumb things to my mommy,|
I'm going to kick you in the shins and then go potty
in your cornflakes!"
Photo credit: roxinasz
1. "You must have your hands full!" I hear this a lot when I'm out with my three kids, and while it's not necessarily mean, it just gets old after awhile. I want to say, "Actually, I just duct-tape them to the couch and turn on the television. That's the only way to get things done anymore!" I must hear this like 52 times in one outing, and anymore I just smile and nod, smile and nod.
2. "Oh, a boy and a girl! The perfect family!" This was said once when I was out shopping with my younger two children, who are a boy and a girl. Unfortunately, I have an older child who was at school that day - I almost felt bad for him. I think I said under my breath, "I have three children. Are we still the perfect family?"
3. "Are they all yours?!" This probably happens more once you dare to have four, maybe five kids - like they're taking over the planet or something.
4. "Do they all have the same father?" Yeah, that's a classic. Let me whip out their birth certificates for you. Aren't genetics a funny thing?
5. "When are you going to have kids/more kids?" Even childless women hear it too, and it's important for others to realize that not everyone is voluntarily childless. I felt bad after reading a comment from someone who often hears from strangers when she's going to have more kids, after she suffered a miscarriage. And no one should have to explain that they don't really desire to have kids, either.
6. "Aren't you done having kids yet?!" Apparently not, since I'm pregnant. Or you could say, "Actually, it's just gas!"
7. "You know how that happens, right?" I think this one should be met with a totally deadpan expression, followed by, "Whatever do you mean? Can you explain it to me?" with panic in your voice.
8. "Oh, two kids! Now you're done!" as if you've just completed a prison term or an order at JC Penney's or something. I heard this from someone once and thought, Funny, I don't remember ever discussing my fertility plans with you.
9. "The uterus is not a clown car." Although I'm this expression is usually reserved for people like Michelle Duggar, I'm certain that in due time anyone with more than two kids will be hearing it, too.
10. "Was the baby planned?" Um, excuse me? Even crazier than this question was the fact that I entertained it with a serious answer. I think I was too taken aback to think clearly.
11. "Oh, you should just have the epidural/induction/cesarean already!" Whenever you want to "birth outside the box" you're probably going to hear this, whether you've had a baby yet or not.
12. "Was it a vaginal birth?" An acquaintance told me this one, about a friend of hers who had just adopted twins and was approached by a complete stranger. Apparently it was of the utmost importance to know that little factoid. (And I think she cleverly retorted, "I don't know, it wasn't my vagina." Sarcasm FTW!)
13. "At least you have a healthy baby." Not only might this not be the case, but the details might not be so pretty, either. So if you don't want to hear about it, just shut up already.
14. "Your husband should go and get fixed." Um, last time I checked, we're not dogs - but are you offering to do the procedure?
What ridiculous comments have you heard from people? Do tell!