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Monday, May 2, 2011

The new mommy wars

Lately I have found myself caught in a strange time warp, of sorts. Often when I read certain blogs or hear about new FaceBook fan pages popping up, it's like my old, worn-out 36-year-old self has been magically transported back to seventh grade and I didn't even know it.

In my cluelessness, it took me awhile to find out about sites like The Feminist Bragger. A completely weird, bizarre parody designed to basically do nothing but make fun of The Feminist Breeder, I read a few posts and then moved on. Whatever. That was interesting, for like two minutes. Next?

Then last night I stumbled in to the virtual cesspool of "Birth Without BS," a fan page dedicated to cutting through what some people consider woo and getting to the heart of the matter, I can only guess. Fine, that sounds like a good place to start. While there's lots of information, blogs and other stuff out there, obviously it's not a one-size-fits-all deal, and much like shopping for a house or car, we can all choose what we want and don't want.

However, there's one problem: those who don't agree or like certain things have decided to start fan pages and blogs to talk about it. That one kind of left me scratching my head, and I considered it a very ballsy move. Is this what we teach our kids about conflict resolution and how to treat people we don't see eye to eye with?

While I might not agree with everything one blogger says, I don't start an entire blog dedicated to bashing that person and all the stuff she says or does. Who the heck has time for that? I think many women are smart enough to realize what they want or don't want, and I get so tired of hearing how so and so is "promoting" something - like unassisted birth, for instance - with the dreaded anticipation that scads of women are going to blindly follow suit. That expectation is about as bad as the "sheeple" mentality some people have, only in the other direction.

I guess I figure if you don't like it, don't read it. Move on. Do something else. But above all, be respectful of another person's decision or choices.

So now anyone who is different is labeled "BS." (I guess one person's woo is another person's BS. So it's all relative, right?)

Blogs like The Feminist Breeder, Rixa Freeze of Stand and Deliver, Birth Without Fear and Gloria LeMay have been nitpicked and criticized. It leaves me wondering, just who's side are you on, anyway? I find it profoundly strange and sad. And it only makes people like Dr. Amy briefly stop and reload while on her mission to bash anything and everything she doesn't agree with. (At least Dr. Amy has the guts enough to use her real name when attacking people.)

I just wish the drama would stop - it only stirs up more crap and leaves behind those women who are on the fence about birth choices and really need help and support. Instead we should be behaving like the powerful, strong women we are - instead of the childish, petty little girls we should have left behind years ago.


Quantmlife said...

My sentiments exactly. Let us not break one another down, try to compete or play 12-year-old games... let us act our age and be respectful and move on if we don't have anything nice to say.

Anonymous said...

I spent about an hour on Mama Taos blog last week. I was directed there during the whole Birth Without Fear scandal. I must admit, I got caught up in the emotions that stirred within me as I read her posts (I consider myself fairly non-draumatic). I realize that people have varying thoughts about issues. Actually, I celebrate that people have these differences of opinion. But, I can't fathom why someone would spend HOURS behind their computer welcoming controversy. As you have said, who has that kind of time? And what women who has a passion for a certain topic (ie birth) spends their time breeding evil? We are women. We know better. We should be contributing to the betterment of the world. Thank you for writing this post!

The Deranged Housewife said...

Ack - I am just reminded why I avoid certain bloggers, as every time I interact it's like a mini-confrontation. But hey - moving on! There are other blogs in the sea! LOL

TracyKM said...

I totally agree, and I think age/maturity has something to do with it. After reading bits about Dr Amy, I decided to check out her blog. That's time I can't get back! But I was very moved by a post she wrote about a woman who had a homebirth and the baby died, and the mother feels the baby taught her a huge spirituality lesson. Dr Amy presented it as the baby had a "job" etc. I wrote a post, making sure not to include a link to it but I did mention Dr Amy. I got a comment from someone (with no public profile or identifiable info) who obviously was trolling, and knew nothing about me but felt the need to insult me about things she had no idea of my position ("I think doctors are 'ebil'). I wrote a calm repsonse back saying how I wasn't going to get sucked in...the woman tried a persoanal attack that didn't work, and neither her attack, nor Dr Amy's post benefitted women who had lost a baby or were considering home birth. Five years ago, I would have launched a big retaliation, but I see now there's no point. It was so off-base and inaccurate, it was rather funny!

Babe_Chilla said...

Thank-you so much for this! I've recently become the target of some of the trolls who dedicate their lives to tearing apart one of the bloggers mentioned here, and I am BLOWN AWAY by the things they have said to me. Me, who they don't know, whose blog they have NEVER read, they've sent copious amounts of emails and hatred comments for no reason.

I am very saddened by their behaviour and worse, worried that they have children of their own. Children they are teaching to bully an act completely out of line for no reason.

Who has time for all this drama anyway?

Anonymous said...

I love you. And all of you commenting here. I agree so much it's not even funny.

The Skeptical Mother said...

I love that the perfect birth commented before me.
Somehow I stumbled upon this. Great post and
I totally agree. I myself became weary of the middle
school flashbacks, so I started my own blog.
All I can say is, I am grateful this BS was not
going on while I was pregnant.